Merci. Gracias. 감사합니다. Shukran. Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me after reading my most recent posts about coping with mental illness and expat woes. Many of you have virtually held my hand and reminded me that I’m not in this alone. The thick fog and darkness are slowly giving way to clarity and light. The tears are still flowing, but I suppose there should be tears when you’re unmasking your pain.
In my 6 month Abu Dhabi update, I admitted to having a major meltdown and battling depression. This post is my attempt at deciphering why this shit keeps happening to me and how to overcome it.
What I feel is beyond homesickness. I am longing for something and/or someone missing. Koreans call it keurium (그리움), but what I feel is so much more. It’s a deep yearning and aching desire. The Portuguese have a beautiful word to perfectly describe my ailment – saudade. The Germans also have a word for it, sehnsucht. I’m struggling with the love that remains, the love that is away, and the yearning for ideal or alternative experiences. Here’s why…
My life isn’t always all glitter and sunshine. I’m currently in the process of trying to pull myself out of a really dark place. A place where fear, helplessness, hopelessness, disappointment, and anxiety are running rampant. I said in a previous post that I was done pretending, and yet that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the past few weeks.
I’ve been pretending that I was OK when I most certainly am not.