Out of Darkness

My life isn’t always all glitter and sunshine. I’m currently in the process of trying to pull myself out of a really dark place. A place where fear, helplessness, hopelessness, disappointment, and anxiety are running rampant. I said in a previous post that I was done pretending, and yet that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the past few weeks.

I’ve been pretending that I was OK when I most certainly am not. I’ve cried almost every day for 3 weeks. And, before you get started… I’ve already tried praying about it- though I still don’t think He hears me (that’s another post for another day). I spiraled out of control. I thought about checking out. I coped by drinking myself numb or popping pills to sleep the day away. I’ve pushed away people who love me. I’ve put a really important relationship in jeopardy because of my issues. At this point, I’m still assessing the damage and hoping like hell that I haven’t made a complete mess of it all.

But, some good things have come out of this. I’ve learned some really ugly truths about myself and finally decided that it’s time I did something to change it. I’ve realized who is truly for me versus who is merely around to get something from me. Most importantly, thanks to a few really good friends, I was reminded that: 1) I also have a lot of good happening and about to happen in my life, 2) giving up is not the answer, 3) I’m loved. Thankfully, none of them retorted this way.

Why share all of this? Because stories like this one and this (probable) one hit a little too close to home and show me that I’m not the only person struggling. So, here’s my message for myself and for anyone else in this situation…

You are more than your problems. You don’t have to battle this alone. Reach out to someone. You matter. You’re important. You’re loved. 

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10 thoughts on “Out of Darkness

  1. You’re very inspiring and brave to put this out there…I hope things start to look up soon. Like you said, sometimes these moments have a silver lining in that you can learn a lot about yourself and you’ll be better and stronger after you get through. <3 sending my love

  2. I have been there….all of 2013 to be exact. And it’s still a struggle from week to week. I totally understand and am here to talk if you need it! I appreciate your honesty on the blog.

    • No. Thank you for being so open. Mind sharing what you do to cope? I’m open to solutions other than the self-destructive tactics I’ve already tried.

  3. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s worse because you’re away from your loved ones. I fell into a dark place when I was alone in Houston. I wish I could give you a big hug.

  4. Fatimah,

    Sending you a virtual Hampton Hug. I am there too. I keep telling myself pruning is necessary. You are wonderfully made..

  5. You are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever (virtually) met. Just acknowledging the way you’ve been feeling is such a huge step. Trust me, hun. I’ve been through my dark period and almost touched Father Death so I can completely empathise with how you feel. You know I’m here if you ever just want to talk or vent or cry or scream or whatever.

  6. Also, I know that when people reach out and say “I’m here if you need me” it’s hard to actually believe that and even believe that someone else could comprehend what you’re going through, but I promise I am here.

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