My life isn’t always all glitter and sunshine. I’m currently in the process of trying to pull myself out of a really dark place. A place where fear, helplessness, hopelessness, disappointment, and anxiety are running rampant. I said in a previous post that I was done pretending, and yet that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the past few weeks.
I’ve been pretending that I was OK when I most certainly am not. I’ve cried almost every day for 3 weeks. And, before you get started… I’ve already tried praying about it- though I still don’t think He hears me (that’s another post for another day). I spiraled out of control. I thought about checking out. I coped by drinking myself numb or popping pills to sleep the day away. I’ve pushed away people who love me. I’ve put a really important relationship in jeopardy because of my issues. At this point, I’m still assessing the damage and hoping like hell that I haven’t made a complete mess of it all.
But, some good things have come out of this. I’ve learned some really ugly truths about myself and finally decided that it’s time I did something to change it. I’ve realized who is truly for me versus who is merely around to get something from me. Most importantly, thanks to a few really good friends, I was reminded that: 1) I also have a lot of good happening and about to happen in my life, 2) giving up is not the answer, 3) I’m loved. Thankfully, none of them retorted this way.
Why share all of this? Because stories like this one and this (probable) one hit a little too close to home and show me that I’m not the only person struggling. So, here’s my message for myself and for anyone else in this situation…
You are more than your problems. You don’t have to battle this alone. Reach out to someone. You matter. You’re important. You’re loved.