Mr. Glitter Is Gone

Mr. Glitter, the complicated love of my life, died 2 weeks ago. Whenever I close my eyes I see his face, his blood, his bed left undone, the casket being loaded on the plane, his lifeless body, the casket being closed, the flag being folded, the life we will never get to live together, his life cut short way too soon. Some say me still being sad is selfish. Some say this is a time to celebrate. Some say remember the love. Some say be strong. Some say he wouldn’t want me to be sad.

I say this sucks. It hurts. I’m crushed. I’m tired of being strong. I’ve done what others couldn’t do. I don’t have peace. I don’t have a physical piece of both of us walking around to remind me of him. I don’t have 37 or 16 or even 10 years of memories to sustain me. I don’t have joy. I don’t have hope. What I do have is a crippling ache. A desire to sleep and never wake up again. I have endless tears and sleepless nights. I have nightmares. I have bad decisions made in times of abject grief. I have meds left abandoned. I have fog and darkness. There’s nothing anyone can say or do to make this better.

I can’t do this without him. We just made things right again. I just got him back. We were supposed to grow old together. We still had traveling to do. We still had secrets to share and arguments and jokes and so much more. I want him back! And if I can’t have that, then what’s the point?


17 thoughts on “Mr. Glitter Is Gone

  1. You’re in my prayers. I don’t have any words to try to comfort you. I remember one of our last conversations being about him. My heart aches because you’re in so much pain. You have done more than most people could, which lets me know you’re stronger than you know.

  2. Dear Fatima, I am so sorry for your grief. He must have been a most extraordinary soul. I pray that God’s peace and comfort surround you! I’m praying and I’m hurting that you’re hurting.🙏🏽

  3. And this is the sound of your heart breaking… it will never be whole again. I’m so sorry that you have to experience this. ❤️

  4. Please take your time.
    Mourning has no timetable.
    Love transcends time and space. Lifting you in prayer.
    Sending you so much love and light, Fatimah.

  5. You are in my heart sis. I am praying for you daily. I wish I could hug you ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  6. Just know that you are loved! The quote you shared below, which obviously resonated with you, is equally true today…
    “Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.”
    — Agnes de Mille

  7. The point is my dear, brilliant, sweet Fatimah you have known love. A love that many others have or will never experience in their lifetime. The point is my love, that you are loved, so very much loved and isn’t the point of it all?

    Nairobi, Kenya

  8. I am so so sorry .Hope one day your pain will go away.Until then hugs and prayers for you.

    Euphrasie,New Jersey

  9. Only God can lift this heavy burden from you Timah. May God wrap you in his loving arms and carry you through this most difficult and heartbreaking loss of losing someone so dear. Peace be unto you.

  10. Timah, I haven’t stopped thinking of you since I heard the news on your Facebook. I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost a few loved one in the past year and everyone has their own way of grieving. I hope you do what you need to do to grieve. Hugs and kisses.

  11. Talk to God, everything is in His time. I realize these words are only words, but He gives us strength. In the mean time, I’m sending hugs and prayers. Wishing I could really put my arms around you. Love

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  13. Oh, Timah. I am truly sorry. I really have no words, but I am praying for you this very moment. I had just typed your web address in to catch up and see how life was going in Abu Dhabi, never imagining seeing such post. Some how, some way, I pray that the Most High grants you peace and comforts you. May you feel His light as it is surrounding you, even in your darkest hours. May you feel His love enfolding you and may you find a way to trust in His Power to heal your heart. This has got to be the hardest thing, grief can be a heavy thing to experience. Deep down, please know there’s a divine purpose. Hugs!!

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