That euphoria I felt when I first arrived in Korea almost 3 months ago? Yea, it has disappeared swiftly. I’ve
become been a grouchy so and so lately. The lady who looked me up and down as she walked in the tiny ass space between me and my friends on the subway platform? Yea, her! She got sista girl eye and neck roll right back for that foolishness. The rude ass people who skip me while I’m waiting in line to buy my dessert at the bakery muttering the equivalent of “I’m more important than the foreigner” and the cashiers who don’t check them on this? Yea, kiss my ass. For the last week or 2 I’ve had an overwhelming feeling that I don’t belong here. I suppose it’s true. Even if I learned the language and lost 100 pounds, the fact remains. I will NEVER be able to blend in here. For whatever reason, that’s really getting on my nerves lately.
And it’s not just Koreans who are pissing me off. It’s also some of the expats who are getting under my skin as well. The condescending prick I met at a bar who was so keen on turning up his nose at my choice to work at an elementary school instead of a university? Kick rocks. I know you’re all high on the feeling that for the first time in your life you’re making money teaching at a uni with only a Master’s degree. But here’s a newsflash for you, buddy… I don’t play by your rules or try to live up to your standards, so spare me the smugness. When I’m ready for another uni gig, I’ll ask for your input. Until then, shut it.
Oh, and this whole long-distance relationship? It’s definitely for the birds. I want to hold hands, frolick in the park, go on dates, and dance the night away in my man’s arms. And while Skype and Facetime are amazing for simulating face-to-face contact, it most certainly won’t physically give me that loving feeling I very much desire. Boo and triple hiss!
I’m pretty much over Korea today and finding it hard to see the beauty I once saw upon arrival. I’m ready to go home where 3 non-organic limes won’t cost me $8. Where I can curse rude people out and they’ll understand me. Where people don’t spit and hack whatever is in their disgusting system wherever and whenever they damn well please. Where I can wash my clothes and dry them in 2 hours. Where I can find stylish, affordable clothing to fit my curves. Where banking hours are longer than 9am – 4pm Monday through Friday only – I’m looking at you Korea Exchange Bank.
So, there’s that… Don’t worry. I’m told this is all normal. It’s part homesickness (gasp!), part depression (double gasp!), and a level of irritability that is the result of surfing the crimson tide for 9 friggin days. The remedy? Plan more things to do so you have something to look forward to – and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I have some fun things planned for June to celebrate my 29th birthday. And, actually, just getting this rant/vent out of my system seemed to really help.