How Mr. Glitter Got His Name

On social media, I currently refer to the love of my life by a codename. This is confusing for some and amusing for many. Most of all, it has prompted a few brave souls to ask me similar questions. Well, boys and girls, I’m finally going to answer them. Gather around, children. Let me tell you a few stories…

Why do I use codenames?

When I first started blogging (on another site) in 2006, I often shared tales of my dating and relationship adventures. When discussing the guy du jour I would always do so by giving him a codename such as The Sequel, The Crazy Professor, The Omega, or The New Guy. Somewhere along the line I started following a pattern of formality by naming the guys variants of Mister – Mr. Kickball, Mr. Summer Dance, and then just plain old Mr. (as in, “M-I-S-T-E-Arrah, period.” Though, at the end of the relationship it felt more like “At home fixin’ to shaaaave”). Using codenames is standard practice amongst my girlfriends because it’s easier to remember who we’re discussing when sharing stories about our dating lives, so I kept up the tradition in my online musings.

The guys were named for their most memorable characteristic or based on the circumstance in which we met. The Sequel? He was the guy I dated after I finally closed the chapter on a very sordid love story and swore off love. The Crazy Professor? Yea, he was a nutjob professor that I encountered via online dating. The Omega was, in fact, a member of a certain Divine9 fraternity. The New Guy was, at the time, the newest guy added to the line-up. Mr. Kickball was a guy I met online whose opening line to me was, “I like kickball, too!” Mr. Summer Dance was a guy I met in Chicago’s Centennial Park at the Summer Dance event. Mr. is my most recent ex, He Who Shall Not Be Named. His name, Mr., was given because he was/is considerably older than me (20+ years) and… You’ve gotta respect your elders, yo. 😉

What do you call the current guy?

I call him Mr. Glitter. I realize that I just kind of dropped his codename on you guys with no preamble or explanation (see this post). My bad. He wasn’t always Mr. Glitter, though. At first, I fluctuated between referring to him as The Really Cool Guy I Met and The Soldier. I remember briefly mentioning to my Mom that I had made friends with a soldier in my city. She then began calling him G.I. Joe. Soon after, I started opening up about our relationship a bit and was writing things on Facebook like this:

This was posted almost 2 months after we first met. Still feeling the same way…

And then came the hilarious comments…

The next day, I embraced the glitter wholeheartedly…

On the day that marked exactly 2 months after we first met, I read this article. This was likely the first time I referred to him as “Mr. Glitter” (see comments).

The first time someone else called him Mr. Glitter (see comments), his codename stuck.

Does he mind that you call him Mr. Glitter?

For the most part, he couldn’t care less what I call him online. Despite the fact that he’s a grown ass manly man being called the unmanliest of things in the world, he is amused and takes it with stride. No one we know has ever called him by his codename in real life… until this last holiday season. Recall that I surprised my (immediate) family by coming home for Christmas and finally introduced him after swearing that I wasn’t introducing another man to them unless he was my husband. About a week later, he conspired with my Mom and surprised me by showing up for a New Year’s Day party. As I greeted each new person who entered the house, they shyly asked, “So where’s Mr. Glitter?” One cousin, bless his heart, who has been keeping up with my adventures via FB was not so shy. He asked where Mr. Glitter was and heartily laughed after meeting him. He explained that because I called him Mr. Glitter and sometimes referred to him by his Korean name on FB, he was “expecting some Korean dude in a shiny suit who had his nose wide open for his cuz.” Y’all! I hollered. Mr. Glitter was a very good sport about it. But this will never not be funny to me. 🙂

But why do you call him Mr. Glitter?

Well, this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down Mr. Glitter actually got his name… In October of 2012 I was still dating He Who Shall Not Be Named (HWSNBN) when I had a dream. In this dream, HWSNBN and I were walking around a campus talking and holding hands when a mob of women approached us. HWSNBN grew silent then let go of my hand. The women surrounded me and began yelling, cursing, insulting and pushing me. And HWSNBN? He was nowhere in sight. I couldn’t breathe. I was very afraid. I was angry. I was hurt. I was trapped… And then a hand reached in from outside of the crowd and pulled me away. A guy, whose face I never saw and name I never learned, rescued me from the mob. I sat down sobbing and embarrassed as he talked to me, “I saw everything. You didn’t deserve that. Are you OK?” He, who didn’t know me from Adam or Eve, took my hand once again and had me follow him. “Let’s get out of here. I want to show you something,” he said. I no longer remember exactly what we went off and did, but I remember how he made me feel. We spent the whole day together. We laughed. We shared stories. We joked. I felt safe. I was calm. He was a perfect gentleman. Something in me had shifted. My whole being felt brighter and sparkly – like I had walked through a handful of glitter. After our outing, I forgot all about HWSNBN and the angry mob of women. The mystery guy made me smile like no other man had before and, according to him, for no other reason than because he thought I deserved to. I woke up from that dream lying next to HWSNBN in disgust. I knew that I had to end it. By March of 2013 I got on a plane headed to Seoul and left HWSNBN behind. I halfway entertained his fuckery for about 5 more months and then Bali happened. I was finally done.

Two weeks after I returned from my vacation in Bali, feeling whole and renewed, I met a soldier with the brightest eyes and a wonderful smile. Though we were in a group setting for most of the night, we somehow ended up alone on my rooftop talking about almost everything until very early the next morning. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but…” was uttered often by both of us. The chemistry was crazy. Had I met him before? It was weird bearing my soul to a perfect stranger, but it felt right all the same. The next day (more like a few hours later), the soldier invited me and another couple to his base for a BBQ. We laughed. We joked. I felt safe. I was calm. And then something crazy happened while we sat on a picnic bench. He took my hand from under the table, held it, and didn’t let go until I left to go home. I suspected then that he was  special – different yet something about him was very familiar – but I still couldn’t put my finger on what or why.

The soldier and I began seeing each other regularly and it was mostly more of the same. We laughed. We shared stories. We joked. I felt safe. I was calm. He took my hand often and held it as much as he could. He told me how much he liked my smile and made it his business to give me something to smile about. Every time I was around him I felt cherished. My friends would comment on how different I looked. They noticed how much I glowed, sparkled, and you guessed it – glittered even. That feeling? It was oh so familiar. It took me about 2 months more of seeing him and experiencing that familiar feeling before I finally put it together. The mystery man I dreamt about almost a whole year prior? It’s him. And THAT is why I call him Mr. Glitter.


9 thoughts on “How Mr. Glitter Got His Name

  1. I think there’s some dust in my eye…..or maybe it’s a spec of glitter. One day I’ll have to talk about how I think I dreamed the dude up….when I was 12. lol

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