Back to Happy

This space is overdue for happier news. Here’s mine:

  • Only 2 weeks remain at my current job and then I’m off to another adventure. Stay tuned…
  • No more nightmares. Hooray for sleeping soundly.
  • Despite my piss poor diet and lack of true exercise, I’ve still maintained a 25 lb weight loss.
  • I’ll be 30 in a few months. My plans include a tastefully nude photoshoot done by my favorite photographer. Time to tighten up.
  • I’ve shared some really dark and scary things on a public forum and something amazing happened. In addition to close friends and family members, several strangers reached out to me. You’ve shared your stories, supported me, prayed for me, and loved me when I wasn’t capable of doing it myself.  You’ve helped me to heal. I’m humbled and grateful.
  • I had a fresh mango for the first time in 6 months. It was deee-licious.
  • Kimchi no longer makes me gag.
  • One of my 3rd graders gave me the best goodbye hug today.
  • Mr. Glitter makes me laugh until it hurts. Laughter is awesome medicine.
  • Things are starting to look up.
  • This song helps…

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The Haunting

*June, 1999*

It was a beautiful summer day and I had plans. I wore my new maxi dress, fluffed my freshly made curls, and excitedly went out the door. I was going downtown to meet some friends and nothing could stop me… Except the bus that was running late. I was at the bus stop pacing when a small sedan pulled closer. Inside, two guys I knew from the block – my older cousin’s friends – smiled and asked me where I was going. They offered me a ride to my destination and I was grateful. I hopped in the back next to the empty baby seat and off we went.

A few minutes into the drive I realized we were no longer going in a direction I recognized. The driver, Number 1, apologized and said he had to pick something up at home really quickly then we’d be on our way. I waited in the car while Number 1 was inside and started chatting with Number 2. As the minutes ticked by, Number 2 got more agitated. He suggested we go inside to see what was taking Number 1 so long.

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Out of Darkness

My life isn’t always all glitter and sunshine. I’m currently in the process of trying to pull myself out of a really dark place. A place where fear, helplessness, hopelessness, disappointment, and anxiety are running rampant. I said in a previous post that I was done pretending, and yet that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the past few weeks.

I’ve been pretending that I was OK when I most certainly am not.

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